it's all the same fucking day, man

And our options are better thought out politics, without the blindness and stupidity. And I find myself clamoring for it -- YES! Without at least the assurance of a government that is looking out for me somewhat and not just not-at-all is the real fear that sits in my gut.

I worry that our options are not clear. I worry that we are all thinking way too much inside this very small box. Very tiny jewel box tho it may be... pretty for some and most wanting only to get to the next level and further... it is still the matrix, keeping us satiated with smoke and mirrors. How dangerously they live -- those that while away hours being wiley... always putting themselves ahead.

How can we stop a person from putting themself first? After all, it is survival. It is the basest instinct. And yet we cannot tolerate it from those who will lead us. It is what will bring about the end of our humanitarian quest to become better humans, better animals, with better reasons and better ways of living, to better all of mankind.

And then I just want a quick exit out of the claptrap and muddling about in mundane language, arguing over semantics and process and never taking steps forward. The process of processing and getting ahead becomes fraught with those who nitpick the details past reason, and those who use those moments to obfuscate and manipulate to their advantage.

How do you motivate people to not want to do that? Or to not do that, even though they may want to. Indeed, how do you motivate yourself?  

And then there was this little slice of heaven. It came with a small bag of stress and a frame-backpack full of wonder. I trucked around Amsterdam like it was the last place on Earth. I walked my ass off and then some. I ate deep fried cheese from a vend-a-mat and watched crazy, crazy people. I heard way too much German and listened in on conversations not in my native tongue. it was the best birthday present I've ever received. thank you, my beautiful, fabulous wife, for making a fleeting dream come true. I hope that I can do the same for you, on your birthday. HEY, THAT'S TOMORROW! (super huge grin) Happy 40th, beautiful. Here's to the rest of our lives... may they be fantastic, whirlwind wonderful, and full of the best we can be. I love you, darlin'.